SUBSCRIPT: With a broken CTA system, it's time for Chicago to add charter buses to charter schools
[Editor's Note: The following was forwarded to Substance by Dr. Matt as "Charter Bus City" on APRIL 27TH, 2011. It originally appeared on third city blog. Dr. Matt's last contribution here was the hymn to the candidacy of Rahm Emanuel called "Too Big to Fail." The URL for "Third City" (which everyone should go to for some fun, is: http://www.thethirdcity.org/blog/sights-and-sounds/sights-and-sounds/dr-matt-charter-bus-city/. The URL for the classic "Too Big to Fail," still a hit especially after Rahm came in with J.C. as his CEO for CPS, is...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScYHLfdV8u8. "Too big to fail" is as relevant today as it was when Rahm was a mayoral wannabe, and has almost achieved You Tube Silver status (where we come from, that's 10,000 plays; too bad people didn't purchase the CD, but.... Enjoy.]
Lord only knows what I was thinking last fall, when I let Benny Jay talk me into becoming The Third City’s general counsel.
But I now know that I got sold a bill of goods.
Benny told me The Third City was an up-and-coming blog that was getting more hits than Willie Nelson’s favorite pipe.
He even showed me plans for a Third City iPhone app that he said he was developing with some software guys from “the Valley.”
My role, he assured me, was to sit tight and wait until Arianna Huffington called with a buyout offer. Then we’d all retire.
I’m now eight months into this gig, and there’s been no offer from The Huffington Post.
Arianna or Eva?In fact, the closest I’ve come to hearing Arianna’s voice is during late-night reruns of “Green Acres,” when Eva Gabor sings the show’s theme song.
Nothing, however, could have prepared me for Benny’s latest harebrained scheme, which he sprung on me over coffee last week.
“Dr. Matt, I’ve concluded that blogging is not going to get us to The Promised Land. The Third City is gonna need to start its own bus line.”
I asked Benny if he had been self-medicating again.
“Not just any old bus line,” he said. “We need to start a charter bus line.”
Long-time privatization fan Forrest Claypool (above left) became Rahm Emanuel's choice to head the Chicago Transit Authority in late April. Claypool established his "independent" credentials by supporting all union busting programs while on the Cook County Board and through other activities.I wasn’t sure where he was going with this nonsense, so I let him ramble.
“You see, I’ve been reading up on Chicago’s charter schools, and I think I’ve got this racket figured out.”
The old man took a deep breath and continued. “First thing we do is lease a couple of nice buses. Then we do a big dog-and-pony show downtown. We announce that Chicago’s public transportation system is broken We say that it’s been a failure for too many of our citizens. We tell ‘em that The Third City is here to offer a choice for Chicago’s under-served neighborhoods.”
My demented friend was on a roll.
“We announce that we’ll only hire non-union drivers — preferably recent young graduates from the new ‘Drive for America’ program. Rahm and the Tribune will eat that shit up.”
I tried to get a word in, but Benny wouldn’t take a breath.
“After that, you’re gonna draft a press release talking about the need for ‘accountability’ and ‘reform’ throughout our public transportation system. Oh, yeah – and be sure to use the word ‘stakeholders’ a few times. The City Hall guys love that one.”
Finally, I cut him off. “Why in God’s name do we want to get involved with a bunch of Ralph Kramden wannabes who haul folks around town in graffiti-filled buses that smell like urine?”
Benny laughed a wicked laugh. “You still don’t get it. We’re not gonna have to deal with the riff-raff. Our buses will be Charter Buses.
“Sure, we’ll need to let everyone on at the beginning — because our bus company is gonna be funded largely with taxpayer dollars. But if we happen to end up with passengers who smell bad, or don’t speak English well, or use wheelchairs, we can gently ‘counsel’ them off our charter buses and back on to the CTA.
“This’ll keep our numbers up and improve our bottom line — get it?”
The waitress wandered over to refill our coffee cups. I suggested decaf for Benny, but he just kept talking.
“Once we’re up and running, we’ll make it a point to pitch a story to the Tribune about every six months. We’ll say that 100 percent of our passengers have made it to work on time, and we’ve been accident free during that same time period.”
“How can we possibly make that claim?” I interjected.
The Tribune will just reprint our press releases like they are news. Who'll know?“What part of ‘non-union charter operation’ don’t you understand?” he responded. “The Trib’s not going to question whatever numbers we give ‘em. They’ll just reprint our press releases.”
Benny sipped his coffee and smiled.
“That’s when the real fun begins. Pretty soon the foundation money will start pouring in. Bill Gates will probably give us WiFi equipment and GPS devices. I’m betting the Sam Walton Foundation will donate ‘greeters’ for each of our bus stops. I’ve got this deal all figured out.”
Then he paused.
The Pritzker College Prep "campus" of Noble Street Charter Schools ("Be Noble") is a regular part of the charter schools dog-and-pony show when dignitaries rush through Chicago to confirm that "Waiting for Superman" is THE TRUTH. Pritzker and other charter school supporters make sure that every February when Nobel Street dumps its inadequate students back into Wells, North-Grand, Kelvyn Park and other real public schools the "public" isn't informed. In January 2011, for the eighth year that Substance has followed the story, Noble Street Charter Schools got rid of students, pushing them out and, if they were lucky, back into the real public high schools. Kelvyn Park alone had to take eight students in the middle of the year, all of whom had "failed" at Noble Street (most from the Pritzker "campus" above). At the same time, using the Noble Street Hoax as his "data," Rahm Emanuel kept prattling that "the best high schools in Chicago are all charter high schools." The cross on the top of the "Pritzker/Noble Street" charter school on Cortland in Chicago, above, apparently poses no problem for such "public" schools. No lie too big for Third City. Substance photo by George N. Schmidt.“There’s just one more thing we’re gonna need to make our Charter Bus company a reality in Chicago.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“We’re probably gonna have to name one of our buses after a Pritzker.”
